The Abbreviated Monte Cristo

Full Movie Roast: The 2002 movie, The Count of Monte Cristo, starring Jim Caviezel and Guy Pearce The 2002 movie, The Count of Monte Cristo (starring Jim Caviezel and Guy Pearce) is an old-fashioned action-adventure romp. It made money, has above-average audience ratings on various online movie review aggregator sites, and is *crucially* the only exposure to The Count of Monte Cristo that much of the American general public has ever had. If you’re willing to shut your brain off, grab some popcorn, and enjoy light, simple entertainment, the movie absolutely serves a purpose. But. One doesn’t even need to be a Monte Cristo devotee to notice the logic leaps and plot holes. It’s loaded with unintentional comedy gold . So let’s have a close look and... mercilessly deconstruct it! PART ONE: EXCITING EXCURSION ON ELBA Fernand Mondego (later revealed to be an ...

The BBC 1964 TV series, starring Alan Badel: A Deep Dive Warning: SPOILERS GALORE! All right, nobody really asked for this. But I researched this anyway, to satisfy my own personal curiosity. How accurate is the 1964 Alan Badel BBC series, really? What exactly is missing, what has been changed, and what's been added? Handy color key:   Commentary: Tries very hard to avoid outdoor filming, or showing ships. I suspect the Pharaon is just a partial prop.  Eliminated:  "Father and Son [2] and [12]" (Edmond/Dad and Villefort/Noirtier) and "The Hundred Days [13]" . Changes: Dantes escapes D'if, and almost drowns landing on a beach. Immediately cut to him inside a ship's cabin with Jacopo. Again, to avoid showing a ship. Changes: After landing in Leghorn and getting a shave, Dantes does not rejoin the smugglers. He's only with Jacopo, who has a BIL with a boat to take them to Monte Cristo. Eliminated: "The Unknown [25]". Dantes doe...

The Problem with Angèle de Villefort (2024 Movie) For the uninitiated, Angèle de Villefort is not a renamed Heloise or Valentine. She's an entirely new character created for the 2024movie! starring Pierre Niney. Her closest book equivalents are Noirtier and Bertuccio, but her character adds the now-popular "Strong Woman" trope, only to take it away later in the most dehumanizing way possible! Sadly, "The Angèle Problem" falls apart the more you scrutinize it. This whole character and scenario just begs for my Snark Monster to come out and play! Logic!Fail! highlighted in dark red from here onwards. . The 2024 TV Miniseries Angèle is rescued from the sea by the good sh...

Hot Insane Take: Ode to Baron Danglars, the Accidental Feminist! 🤣 LOL, hear me out, peeps! We hate Danglars for The Conspiracy and stealing the life, family, marriage and promising future of young Edmond Dantes. He's also a weasel and money grubber, and after Edmond was sent to D'if, he was the only one gleefully rubbing his hands. After Napoleon's return, Danglars skedaddled off to Spain, forming an alliance with Fernand and doing some war profiteering. But, after looking at Danglars' full arc, he has one saving grace. He's an Accidental Feminist! Unlike Dantes, who carried major (and unjustified) permanent resentment towards Mercedes and kept grumbling about her "unfaithfulness" and "infidelity" even til the end, Danglars put no such requirements on his womenfolk. He was practical and calculating, not madly head over heels in love. Danglars had no illusions about love or an all-encompassing romantic bubble to pop. ...

In the year 2024: The Problem with Haydee Oof, where should I start? It's pretty obvious that now in the 21st Century, Book!Haydee's "slavish" (literally) devotion to the Count, her age, her status as his ward/foster-daughter make it unpalatable for her to stay with her Book! ending, as a romantic partner for the Count. People are sensitive to "grooming" these days, it's not uncommon for people to interpret the Count+Haydee relationship in that way. With Modern Sensibilities frowning on such things, it got changed in the latest 2024 screen adaptations. The 2024 TV Miniseries Haydee is "Algerian" and her father, Ali Pasha was an "Algerian" ...