TL:DNR? The Best of Monte Cristo (no spoilers!)

Okay, so maybe one is too busy to read this ENTIRE website to get my recommendations. True, it's a lot to sift through. So, in the interests of serving people who lack the spare time to leisurely read a 5-volume version of The Count of Monte Cristo in antiquated English, and who simply want me to cut to the chase and recommend something, I bring you: The Best of Monte Cristo!

Best Unabridged Edition (of 2 total) The Count of Monte Cristo, 1276 pgs. Translated by Robin Buss. 1996, pub: Penguin Classics There is absolutely no doubt about this. Any reader who wants the complete, unabridged Monte Cristo experience should read the Penguin Classics Robin Buss translation. Not only did Buss re-translate the book into truly Modern English, he restored passages of the book that had been removed or heavily redacted (censored) in the 1846 English translation (originally published by Chapman-Hall). The additional 30 pages of notes are extremely helpful for understanding context, as Dumas had placed many references to locations, mythology, paintings, and French history that were common knowledge in his lifetime for a well-educated Frenchman, but draw a complete blank in modern audiences almost 200 years later. The new translation is far more understandable than the only other extant unabridged one: the 1846 Chapman-Hall one (and its many descendants). Since it is unabridged, Buss was obligated to include the parts and dialogue that rambled, the huge cast of characters- including the ones of no importance, and the character arcs that went nowhere. I've seen postings and comments by first-time readers who'd hit the "middle section" (Rome), got bored and put the book down and walked away. My sincere recommendation to these readers is to pick up the best of the abridged versions (below) to gain familiarity with the story itself and the main characters. Then swing back and pick up Robin Buss unabridged translation again for the richer, fuller experience. If possible, join a book club or discussion group so everybody can read the Robin Buss book together. It's a lot of fun!

Best Abridged Edition (of 13 total) The Count of Monte Cristo, 531 pgs. Translated and abridged by Lowell Bair. 1956, pub: Bantam Books If you’re looking for a slimmed-down version in modern English that retains most of the characters, character interaction, plot, subplots AND witty dialogue, without the overly wordy, talky and meandering chapters, go for this one. There is a good reason why the Lowell Bair version is heavily used in high schools... it’s GOOD. It also includes some of the more scandalous parts of Dumas’ original: brutal public executions, adultery, illegitimate babies, attempted infanticide, people leaving their disgraced spouses, and possible LGBT characters. Bair’s shortened and re-translated text can be read effortlessly without getting bored or losing track of the plot due to lengthy character discussions in the original. What makes this slightly short of perfection is the culling of some chapters that I think are crucial to understanding the story and characters (Chapter 4- “Conspiracy” and Chapter 77- “Haydee” in the unabridged text). It almost hurts to see those chapters excised here, and to see them present in some children’s editions. Still, Lowell Bair shows that over half of Dumas’ text can be successfully removed and yet still preserve the flavor of the original book.

Best (and Only) Abridged Edition under 200 pages for Adults Seven French Novels (incl. The Count of Monte Cristo), 148 pgs. prepared under Cameron Hyde. 1943, pub: Wise & Co. There's not a lot of competition in this category. This is the only serious digest-format "modern condensation for the adult reader" that exists. This was meant for people only willing to commit to an evening or two of light reading. Since every inch of space is precious, this abridgement strips away everything that is not plot/story oriented. It reads very well- not as a summary, but as a story that's all meat and no fat. But, in leaving out so much, it has some continuity issues. There's "orphaned" passages that refer back to earlier conversations or events that had been eliminated in the editing. Another thing that is lost are the references to the passage of time. Still, considering how short this is, this book does a fine and skillful job in conveying the main plot and several of the subplots to a time-strapped reader in the most succinct way possible. I'd love to see this return to in-print status as a primer for adult first-time readers who don't want to be caught reading a children's book or a comic book.

Best Illustrated Children's Edition (of 14 total) The Count of Monte Cristo. 132 pages total (112 pages for the story), (editor unknown). 2013, pub. Madhubun Educational Books (India) This is fantastic! The book is in full-color, and the cutsey illustrations are reminiscent of 1990's-era Sierra and LucasArts video games- in a good way. The story adaptation is just stunning. Like all of the other kid's books, Dantes landing the ship "The Pharaon" at Marseilles up to his escape from D'if is accurate. But what sets this apart and above all others is how the revenge part is handled. My jaw dropped as I read... EVERY major plot point is there! Includes Franz meeting Sin(d)bad on the isle of Monte Cristo (this is a first). Even the bloody stabbings and the poisonings, all by the correct culprits. I don't think I've ever seen anything this thorough before in a children's book. Magnificent! I think this one takes the crown for "Best Children's Version of Monte Cristo". The story portion is 112 pages, and Madhubun had wisely placed all of the educational activities at the end of the book, so the reader can skip them and simply be swept away and awed by the story with no interruptions. This is such a joy and a delight to read. Children who read this book will truly have the genuine Monte Cristo Experience.

Best Text-based Edition for older kids/teens (of 8 total) The Count of Monte Cristo/The House of the Seven Gables, 385 pgs (242 pages for Monte Cristo), Adapted by Mabel Dodge Holmes, 1945, pub: Globe Book Co. Inc. Can it be done? a) The Count of Monte Cristo, missing 75% of its text content b) ...but still keeping the main plot (Dantes>prison>treasure>4 flavors of revenge) c) ...and still contain the necessary subplots to feed the revenge plot? d) ...and be completely readable and enjoyable in Modern English without obvious hack n' slash editing? In the expert hands of Mabel Dodge Holmes, the answer is an overwhelming YES! The dialogue is recognizable as Dumas. The plot keeps all of the good stuff... The Rain of Blood, Dinner at Auteuil, the Cavalcantis, correct fates of all 4 of the Count's enemies... all present! Sadly, Noirtier isn't as powerful and important as he should be. He's around, but he gets the short-shrift as far as his meddling to ensure Valentine's happiness and financial security. I believe that this book was intended for high-school students, but it overlaps with a slightly younger demographic, too. Hands down, this is the finest of the text-based abridgements that's suitable for slightly older kids.

Best Comics Edition (of 9 total) Classics Illustrated #3- The Count of Monte Cristo. 62 pages, (editor unknown). 1947, pub. The Gilberton Co. The original "Classics Illustrated" version, from 1947. Art uncredited, but attributed to Ray Ramsey, Allen Simon and Vivian Lipman. It's crudely illustrated, and the characters are drawn stiffly with little emotion or dynamic movement. Body proportions and the use of perspective are sometimes poor. In some panels, characters standing in front of other characters look laughably like midgets. But, this can all be forgiven because the writing is done very well. At 62 pages, with 8 panels jammed onto each page, this version manages to depict almost all of the characters and the subplots of the original story, including the often-trimmed Franz D'Epinay and his adventures with Sinbad the Sailor and in Rome. The existence of this comic proves that the almost-complete tale can be told in less than 100 pages. Recommended as a quick, easy-to-read way to understand the story and the characters, their motivations, their interlocking relationships and their fates and without reading the unabridged Dumas book.

Best Manga Edition (of 3 total) The Count of Monte Cristo. 404 pages, Crystal Chan, editor. 2017, pub. Manga Classics by Udon Entertainment This is extremely impressive! At 404 pages, "Manga Classics" demonstrates how to adapt The Count of Monte Cristo into a comics/manga medium. The length gives characters the space and time to develop real personalities. The author, Crystal Chan, had purposely de-emphasized the imprisonment/escape part in order to do justice to the "revenge" part. Due to the generous page count, there are scenes, character discussions and people never before represented in any comic. Ideology! 20 pages for the Dinner at Auteuil! Return to D'if! Countess G-! Emmanuel Herbault! Lucien Debray! (🡄 behaving correctly and not a home-invader or sword fighter) The artist, Nokman Poon is a superb draftsman, but some of his character designs are too "androgynous manga-boy"-ish. Albert and Franz look like they're 15, the Count at age 42 can easily pass for a youthful and handsome 25. Andrea looks like a babyfaced manga-boy wimp, and Luigi Vampa and Caderousse have ridiculous little soul-patches instead of full beards. Once you accept the art style, there's a lot to love in "Manga Classics". Never before has any comic/graphic novel/manga adaptations had this level of depth and detail. Definitely worth a look!

Best Animated Cartoon (of 4 total) The Count of Monte Cristo 46 minutes, adapted by Michael Robinson. 1973, pub. Hanna-Barbera Productions There's several animated versions of Monte Cristo, which can be watched on YouTube. None of them are extremely true to the book, and they range from "It sorta resembles Monte Cristo" to "What the heck is this?" So, out of this motley crew, the closest one is Hanna-Barbera's 1973 cartoon. There's scenes where the animation is constantly reused (digging a tunnel. And more digging) and plotwise, any deaths are non-violent and offscreen. It seems really strange, but there is NO VILLEFORT here. Only Danglars, Fernand and Caderousse exist as Edmond's betrayers, and the cast is similarly trimmed back. Danglars has a daughter, but it's not Eugenie- it's Valentine so the Val/Max love story can be present. Everybody is stuck in Marseilles, so any scenes that were meant to be set in Paris are sent back to the ol' hometown. Caderousse dies in a manner related to the diamond. Fernand (not Albert) challenges the Count to a duel, learns the Count's identity, cowers, runs off and flees Marseilles with Mercedes by his side(!). Danglars is financially ruined and is additionally pissed off when the Count enables Val to run away with her true love, Max. Well, this cartoon is not great, but at least it's not horrible. I'd take even this over the corrupted anime series, Gankutsuou, anytime.

Best Shortform Comedy or Parody (of 4 total) The Simpsons Season 18: The Count of Monte Fatso (embedded within Episode 11: "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times"). 8 minutes, Joel H. Cohen (writer). 2007, pub. 20th Century Fox The Simpsons + Monte Cristo. What? Who'd expect this? In Paris, France (in the 19th Century) Homer and his loving wife, Marge enjoy a walk through the city with their 2 lovely children, Bart and Lisa. Meaux (Moe) looks on jealously, envying Homer for having such a great family. So he frames Homer and gets him arrested for treason. Homer is thrown in the notorious prison, Chateau D'if (and there's a quick reference to another prisoner there- the Man in the Iron Mask!) During his imprisonment, his wife Marge marries Meaux (!) and Homer swears revenge. His cellmate, Mr. Burns, offers Homer the use of his escape tunnel and a map to his treasure. After several comedic escape attempts that lead Homer right back into his cell at D'if, Homer inexplicably lands on the treasure-laden island. 5 years later, Homer becomes the wealthy Count of Monte Cristo. Marge and her repulsive hubby Meaux are invited to formal gala at the Count's place. At the party, Homer invites Meaux to sit in "the harmless chair of relaxation" which turns out to be an elaborate torture device. It turns Meaux into a human-sized Crepe Suzette (including the flambe). Marge is upset, slaps Homer and leaves with the kids. She tells him: "You spent so much time plotting your revenge, you lost everything that really mattered" Wow, all this in EIGHT MINUTES! It's very simplified, of course, but it amazingly does get to the very heart of the real book's message: “Revenge does more damage to the avenger than to the avenged.”