"The Sultan of Monte Cristo" by Holy Ghost Writer

"The Sultan of Monte Cristo" by Holy Ghost Writer (2013)

"Holy Ghost Writer" is a pen name for an anonymous writer who sought to expand the Universe of Monte-Cristo by writing a series of books, starting in 2012-2013 that was supposed to take Edmond Dantes from his original adventure in The Count of Monte Cristo into the future with his descendants. It was a very ambitious goal, but remains unfulfilled. After a flurry of activity in 2013, and two books in 2015, HGW's Monte Cristo output died down. But more on this topic later.

HGW's first book of the series is an abridged version of Dumas' original, with some Sherlock Holmes/Dr.Watson chatter inserted, so the book can be sold as The Count of Monte Cristo as Retold by Sherlock Holmes. For a complete review of that book, read it here (scroll to the final review on the page).

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The Count and his new wife, Haydee are headed to Albania, when they somehow get sidetracked in capturing a notorious pirate, Medusalocks ("Captain Dread" already taken by the "Monkey Island" video game?) and Haydee admits to being a secret Muslim all along (What? No one ever noticed?) The Count immediately converts to Islam, as he had a convenient shipboard imam with them.

Meanwhile, Mercedes discovers a long-lost letter from Dantes' father, revealing his secret origins. In true DaVinci-Code fashion, it says that Edmond Dantes is a descendant of Mary Magdelene and the Merovingian dynasty(!) 🤣. Mercedes, her love for Edmond reawoken, stops her all-day praying and weeping and gets her mojo back. She sees a huge business opportunity in hemp-based lotions, soap, milk and cheese. (That's funny- where did all this entrepreneurial spirit come from?) She visits the Morrels in Paris to start a business partnership with them. And to relay a message to the Count (Please see me! Important letter from your Dad!).

The Count returns to Paris to forgive Villefort. In a new disguise, he gives Villefort medication to heal his mind, and recommends the excellent biography, The Count of Monte Cristo by "investigative reporter Alexandre Dumas"🤣 that will explain everything. He also informs Villefort that Valentine is alive, and he will arrange a meeting with her.

Countess G- throws a huge ball, and the Count and Mercedes attend. Now that he's a Muslim, he can have more than one wife, so he asks Mercedes to marry him, with Haydee's pre-approval. She agrees, on the condition that she gets an exclusive monopoly on hemp in Albania because, after all, she needs financial security, right?

The book switches gears and heads off to somewhere in Arabia, where a spunky Bedouin girl named Raymee refuses an arranged marriage to the Caliph of Mecca. Danglars and the Caliph's advisor Dr. Omar arrive at the family's oasis and Raymee's outspokenness and surprisingly modern views embarrass the men. Her father, Abram accepts their gifts including... a copy of the famous book, The Count of Monte Cristo.

Sultan Sinbad of Albania (the Count), just passing by, stops at the oasis and enjoys Abram's hospitality. He's also quite taken with Raymee. The next morning, they accompany Sultan Sinbad and his caravan to Mecca, with a stop at Shechem (as the Count's inner voice told him to do). They're attacked by bandits, and with a combination of bluffing and a poison dart, Team Sinbad runs them off and kills the leader. Abram throws a big celebration feast and Raymee seduces Sultan Sinbad later at night. She's planning on conceiving a son who'll become the ruler of Arabia, since the Caliph has only daughters!

The rest of the trip to Mecca goes without a hitch. Raymee and her entourage perform "Hamlet" for the Caliph and he is totally captivated. Raymee negotiates her bride price on her own terms, which he agrees to. With the deal concluded, she orders that her cousin Mumad (who also wanted her and threatened to rape her) and Dr. Omar (who questioned her virginity) become her personal eunuchs! The operations are done publicly, onstage! 😡

During the marriage feast, a shocked Sultan Sinbad asks her about it and she explains that she had learned lessons from reading his biography... she would not let Mumad become her "Fernand". She's become cold and calculating and wants power to control people through fear. Sultan Sinbad warns her of the lesson that he had personally learned- that revenge will backfire on her someday.

The End.

❌
 1-SequelTrope: Benedetto returns to wreak havoc?
❌
 2-SequelTrope: Eugenie straightwashed?
❌
 3-SequelTrope: Haydee dies young?
❌
 4-SequelTrope: The Count's son killed?

Now obviously, a lot of things are unresolved. What about Haydee and Mercedes? They're staying in Albania while their husband goes off to Arabia, banging random chicks? What about the hemp partnership with the Morrels? How's the hemp biz in Albania doing? What about Villefort? Does he regain his senses and embrace Valentine again? Will any of them help save Benedetto? This is not the last of the Monte Cristo books by "Holy Ghost Writer"... there's more for sale via Amazon.com's Kindle store, not that I'm buying (just this one was a free ebook from Amazon).

I enjoyed the first half WAY more than the second. I was doubled-over laughing during Part 1. The tone completely changed in Part 2. "Where is this leading... how does the Count come into this?" I wondered. He does come in and he is played for a dupe. But, I guess the son that he conceived with Raymee will go on the become a powerful ruler- a scion of 2 major houses- the house of the Magdelene/Merovingians and the Caliph of Mecca.

And, BTW, who is that ugly old man on the cover? Surely it's not the Count, who should be in his early 40s? Is it a statue of a Saint in Paris? Is that Abram, the father of Raymee? Or is it a random piece of clip-art to fill the need to have cover art of any kind?

ABOUT THE STATUS OF THE SERIES:

TBH, not looking promising. The numbering of the existing books is 1-12. But Books 8, 9 and 10 have not been written. 2015 was the last year that HGW had produced anything Monte Cristo. Subsequently, he/she has devoted his/her energies to Sherlock Holmes mashups and satirical books about Michael Jackson, Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump. 

  1. The Count of Monte Cristo as Retold by Sherlock Holmes 07/04/2013
  2. The Sultan of Monte Cristo: First Sequel to the Count of Monte Cristo 11/25/2013
  3. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo: Newly Discovered Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (The Count of Monte Cristo Book 3) 07/04/2013
  4. Confederate States of Monte Cristo: Newly Discovered Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Count of Monte Cristo Book 4) 02/14/2015
  5. Pinkie and Blueboy, A Novel (The Count of Monte Cristo Book 5) 05/11/2015
  6. That Girl Started Her Own Country (Count of Monte Cristo Book 6) 12/28/2013
  7. The Anonymous Girl (Count of Monte Cristo Book 7) 12/22/2013
  8. Book 8 n/a
  9. Book 9 n/a
  10. Book 10 n/a
  11. The Boy Who Played With Dark Matter (Count of Monte Cristo Book 11) 12/21/2012
  12. Zamira and the World of Z (Count of Monte Cristo Book 12) 08/26/2013

HGW's Monte Cristo series seems to have been written out of order. I think the intent was for HGW to write an expansive suite of 12 books, spanning centuries, involving the Count of Monte Cristo, his life freakishly extended by magic potions, who becomes a Forrest Gump-like character being involved in historical events, and his descendants. But we haven't heard a peep from HGW on this series since 2015 and it remains incomplete.

The first 4 books at least have Edmond Dantes as the main character. But by Book 5, everything shifts to 2 museum-going pre-teens, Pinkie and Blueboy in America, late 20th century. The previews were boring, and I couldn't get into it. The next books have entirely new protagonists such as Zaydee, Zeddy, Zane, Zadie and I still can't see why we should care about them. The thread that connects them to Edmond Dantes gets increasingly stretched thin.

This all comes off as using the Monte Cristo IP as bait to convince readers to buy HGW's new series. Only to find out that most of the books have nothing to do with Edmond Dantes. There's no sense of "the torch being passed" from generation to generation (the transition from Book 4 to Book 5 is too abrupt and disconnected). Sorry, HGW, but these new kids who just appear and happen to have a little of Dantes' DNA doesn't make them fascinating enough to spend time and money on them. I wouldn't recommend buying these.

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